In the last 24 hours, minority president Donald Trump made several remarks that were outrageous even for him—a man who once said that it’s his right to grab women by their genitals. And the country’s largest liberal media outlets are struggling to keep up.
“We have a staff of 67 reporters assigned to exclusively cover White House news, and they are all working 80+ hour weeks”, said Baquet. “Today when he announced his status as a deity, not once but twice, fourteen of my best staffers quit.”
“This man clearly does not have a fully functioning brain and tweets nonsense at all hours of the day and night”, said Phillip Monroe, one of the Times reporters who resigned. “I have young children who need their father. I can’t be following this man around with my laptop as if it were a bag to pick up dog shit.”
This week alone, Trump has done the following:
- On Sunday August 18th, he confirmed that he was interested in buying the country of Greenland. Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen told the newspaper Sermitsiaq that it is not for sale: “Greenland is not Danish. Greenland belongs to Greenland. I strongly hope that this is not meant seriously.” This is also an unsurprisingly foolish move from a man who lost hundreds of millions in real estate over the decades. Greenland is estimated to melt by 40% over the next 30 years, so one of the most vocal climate change deniers is quite literally trying to put his money where his mouth is.
- On Monday, in response to recession concerns, Trump remarked that the U.S. economy is actually thriving. “Our consumers are rich. I gave a tremendous tax cut and they’re loaded up with money.” This despite 22 million Americans being underemployed. (Two days later, Trump reversed the tax cut.)
- On Tuesday (and again on Wednesday) Trump accused Jews who vote for Democrats of being disloyal or having a “total lack of knowledge”. This coming from a man who said that Barack Obama founded ISIS. Despite the fact that this almost exactly duplicates the words of Adolf Hitler, Trump later denied being an anti-semite.
- On Wednesday, Trump retweeted a post by conspiracy theorist and fellow whackadoodle, Wayne Allyn Root, proclaiming him “the greatest President for Jews and for Israel in the history of the world, not just America.” The retweet continued that “the Jewish people in Israel love him…like he’s the King of Israel. They love him like he is the second coming of God.”
- He then stepped it up a notch by actually proclaiming himself “the Chosen One”, in response to a reporter’s question about China. This is arguably his most narcissistic move to date, but it is only Wednesday.
- Also on Wednesday, Trump canceled a trip to Denmark and called the comments by the Danish prime minister, “nasty”. In his landmark move of projecting his insanity onto others, Trump added that she was not merely calling him absurd, but also refering to the United States of America. Sorry, no. If anything she just feels pity for the rest of us.
Top management from CNN, MSNBC, and the Washington Post have all voiced concern that if matters continue in this way, they’ll have to start prioritizing these events and neglecting coverage on the ones they deem less important.
Famed satirist, Andy Borowitz, had a different complaint. “My creativity is stifled. I write a piece on the Borowitz Report on Monday mocking the guy and he outdoes me two days later with his actual behavior.”
Unfortunately, the same issues are not being experienced by the conservative media. Fox News, for example, remains completely unaffected. Porter Berry, VP and editor in chief of the conservative news channel explained why they are immune. “That’s simple,” said Berry. “We just make shit up and have zero journalistic integrity. The only requirement to work here is that you have no soul.”
David Mizne is a blogger, comedian, and puppeteer who loses his shit on Trump every so often here on Medium. Follow him on Twitter. (Written in the 3rd person to seem more impressive. I clearly wrote this bio.)