He had been home from deployment now for about three months. It took some readjusting- seven months apart is a long time even with Skype. I knew he had seen things that he didn’t want to talk about. His eyes were hollow and he fucked me hard, fast, desperately- at first I thought trying to make up for lost time but gradually I knew it was more. The mandated counseling helped some but his shell was tough. I was patient. This wasn’t the first time, it probably wouldn’t be the last.
After awhile he started to talk. His platoon had been hit hard. Casualties. IEDs. He himself had superficial shrapnel scars, mostly on his back and shoulder. Every week he said a few more sentences and I pieced the story together. In bed, though, there was still the disconnect. He kissed me, he held me, he talked to me but…my husband wasn’t really there. Not fully.
He fucked me again one night the same way- searching, desperate, rough and fast. Afterwards I lay with him on my shoulder, kissing his forehead. He clung to me like a wet leaf on a rock.
“Baby,” I whispered. “You know I love you. You know I love your cock and how you make me cum so good. But I can’t feel you somehow. I miss you.”
He sighed harshly and sat up in the bed, face in his hands. I hugged him from behind and kissed his back. So many scars. It was a miracle he was alive.
“Babe,” he said into the dark- “You’re right, I guess. I don’t know. I’m trying. You don’t realize- some of the guys- they didn’t die. They were wounded so bad. IEDs blew up right underneath them. Babe…their whole crotch was gone. No more cock. Nothing there. But still alive.”
He was shaking. I hugged him tighter as a cold dread formed in my stomach. I didn’t want to imagine that happening to him.
“I guess…I guess I fuck you so hard because I still want to feel my cock there. That I have it. That I can be a man with you. It’s so fucked up. I saw so much shit like that- I barely escaped it. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t fuck you.”
He started to cry, as much as a rugged war-torn soldier can cry. I came around his front and wrapped my arms and legs around him. He held tight to my hair, rocking back and forth with me, even softly biting into my shoulder. My own tears fell on his neck as I tried to ignore the lump in my throat.
“I’m here, baby,” I whispered fiercely. “You do have your cock. You are my man. I love how you fuck me. I want you. I just need your love, too.”
We stayed like that for awhile, murmuring to each other, touching, kissing. Soon he was breathing easier and the tears dried. I ran my hands over his back, tracing his scars. “My strong man.” And down to his cock, which I stroked deep and gentle. “And even more strong here.” He grew hard in my hand and we both looked down in wonderment, as if seeing it for the first time.
“I need you,” I whispered.
“I need you, too,” he said, a calm in his voice.
He kept me there in front, helping me up to sink down onto his cock. Big hands under my ass, moving with me, gently stroking my back and hair as I propped myself up on one hand. I moved up and down as slowly as I could, relishing every inch of him.
“Like that, baby?” he whispered, gazing in my eyes. I nodded.
“Yes, just like that,” I murmured. “I need to feel you. I need to enjoy you. I need to feel how big you are inside me.” His eyes were bright now and I felt him swell up even more. I tipped back slightly. He supported me and moved his hips at the same time. We fucked together til I came, deep and shuddering, shaking into his arms. He held me there, still and quiet for a moment, then took over with my favorite rhythm…deep, thumping, steady…making me cum again.
“I can feel you now,” I said in the softest whisper, right into his ear. He groaned and fucked me a bit harder. He was close. I thrilled and clutched at him. He grabbed at me, arms like a vise.
“Yes, baby, just like that. Cum in me. Let me heal you.” With that he let go in a growled roar, forcing my hips onto his. There would surely be bruises in the morning from his grip. That’s what I wanted…his marks on me.
We slowly collapsed on the bed, panting, kissing, holding each other. Eventually I snuggled into his arms, our foreheads pressed together while his cum warmed my pussy.
“I love you,” we both said in unison, our breaths mixing on the words.
He was finally home.