Politics

Where in the World Is Sad-Clown William Barr? He’s on a Cockamamie Conspiracy Theory World Tour!

William Barr is the breakout star of Trump’s hilarious phone call to Ukraine “The Perfect Call” written and directed by Donald Trump.

To celebrate this, William Barr went on a world tour called the “Oh My Gosh We’re All Going to Prison! Tour”

So, he gathered up a boatload of taxpayer funds… to travel to wonderful locations in lavish and opulent ways that truly break my heart.

William Barr had important business to conduct!

First, he annoyed serious people in Australia with insane and cockamamie conspiracy theories, before moving on to annoy serious people in Italy. He really has a knack for this. I’ll remind you — he’s doing this with actual, real-life, world leaders! Prime Ministers! — Neat-O!

The reason Barr’s doing this is to cast doubt that Russia interfered with the 2016 election… you know,… from that time when Russia blatantly, merrily, gleefully and absolutely definitely enthusiastically interfered with the 2016 U.S. election and with great relish. Barr’s also very keen to destroy all US intelligence and the entire DOJ, and make our former allies look upon us, the U.S., as complete and total imbeciles. — FUN!

See, under Trump and Vladimir Putin’s direction, William Barr’s goal was to prove, once and for all, that all our US intelligence agencies are a bunch of ‘ninnies’. Also, that our individual agents who put their lives at risk for us… are also ninnies. Also, all of our (former and soon to be former) allies’ intelligence agencies. They’re ninnies too!

Isn’t that wonderful? He gets paid for this by the way.

Australia shrewdly told him they didn’t want to get involved with a bunch of goofy nonsense and to please keep U.S. knee-slapping-silliness to themselves. Italy had a similar response except in Italian. Here’s what they said (via Google translator).

“Ciao idiota corrotto tieni le tue stupide teorie del complotto per te! Non vogliamo aiutarti a distruggere l’America perché comprano il nostro formaggio”. -Italy

Powerful stuff…

And now, Barr went to the U.K., where high ranking U.K. officials were forced to listen to William Barr blather incoherently like an idiot about how he wants them to announce:

  1. Russia didn’t interfere in our election… because it’s an easier idea to sell than “Russia doesn’t even really exist. It’s fictional like Atlantis or Tatooine!”.
  2. Also, that the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the DIA, the DOS, the DHS, the NRO, the NGIA, etc… and the intelligence agencies of all our former allies are all involved with a vast conspiracy! (Which is slightly true as they’re trying to keep us all alive which goes against the direct wishes of Donald Trump, but it’s kind of their job…)
  3. AND — That Hillary Clinton had her own servers hacked. That she paid Ukraine to do this. Her plan was to lose the election, for… um… reasons! No, really. Barr’s really saying that. With his mouth! I swear on Dave Barry I’m not making this up. There’s no way I could ever achieve anything close to that level of silly.

So, that’s refreshing. The U.S. seeming insanely vulnerable and thoroughly infiltrated by Russia.

That’s America now. That’s who we are. Trump and his special-needs-minions made that happen.

And it keeps getting worse.

Written by Steven W. Rouach
swrouach@gmail.com


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