Politics

Don’t Be Distracted by Reality, the End is Near! – Dan K Jackson

Did anyone hear about the 15 earthquakes our neighboring community, Ridgley, TN felt last Friday?

Yeah me either! And I would kind of like to know about that!

Fifteen earthquakes near the New Madrid fault zone is kind of a big deal.

For those of you reaching for your Google machine, Ridgely is in Lake County, which is on the other side of Union City. So, it’s not that far away!

Since 1992 I have had my earthquake survival kit ready to go. I’ve been preppin’ for the big one! By the way, how long is the shelf life on cans of tuna?

Seriously by the mid 90’s, more people were talking about the New Madrid fault line than they were about Pearl Jam, or cigar aficionado Bill Clinton, or Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap. They were talking about it, like a really lot. For sure.

Such a cute kid, such an earthquake of an adult.

And here we are almost thirty years later and boom, 15 earthquakes in one day! And no one cares.

This is exactly what the New Madrid has been waiting on. We’ve fallen asleep at the wheel. We’re distracted by impeachment hearings, and trade wars, and evangelicals thinking Trump is a Christian.

The vigilance or some might say hyper vigilance of the 90’s is gone. But that paranoia, I mean again vigilance, kept New Madrid zone earthquakes at bay for twenty or more years. If you’re scoring at home it’s actually two hundred plus years accounting for zero lakes formed and Mississippi Rivers running backwards!

That was in 1811–12. What else was going on in 1812?

That’s right, the War of!

The War of 1812! Obviously, that was fake news! Who ever heard of naming a war “of 1812”? There were British and Chickasaw and all kinds of opposing forces. We had the French and Indian War. We had the Vietnam War. What about the British and Chickasaw war?

Because obviously it wasn’t even real. The New Madrid posted all of that on Fox and Friends!

“This war didn’t even happen! It’s that evil Democrat New Madrid, we should be watching out for!”

Fake news allows important things, like massive earthquakes, to sneak up on us!

Bring back apocalypse talk! Let’s get our minds off Trump bribing foreign leaders. Let’s get our minds off people who go to church every week saying, “according to the Old Testament, Jesus loves Trump.”

It’ll help distract and therefore unite us all, because who doesn’t want some irrational fear in their lives?

Remember the Mayan Calendar apocalypse?

Their calendar supposedly ran out in 2012 and that spelled the end of days for all of us. They should have bought an ad from the Madrigals. Those calendars never end. Anyway, it didn’t work out and surprisingly, I can’t find a Mayan around to ask about it.

Sad.

Then again Rasputin, yes that Rasputin, predicted in the year 2013, the earth would be covered in fire and Jesus would come back to comfort us.

Sigh. Didn’t happen.

Since then, only a couple of wack-a-doodle, run of the mill conspiracy theories about the end of the world. Nothing with any traction! Nothing with any sexiness! No lost civilizations or Russian mystics!

Well there’s Putin, wait is that short for Rasputin?

Creepy.

Rasputin/Putin/Rastaputin? It could happen!

Speaking of his best bud, I haven’t heard a good “end of the world” prediction since Trump was elected. I heard plenty of those predictions before he was elected. Heck I made them.

But still, not a single one. What does that mean?

Hopefully it doesn’t mean we’ve went past the end of the world. Although, there are a lot of weird things happening.

The Titans are winning. The President is orange. The First Lady was a nude model. Joe Biden is talking about his hairy legs. Fifteen earthquakes next door. And again, the Titans are winning.

Not how I envisioned the other side of the River Styx. But if we keep on having earthquake flurries, we could see the other side of the River Mississippi!

Titan Up! Let’s crush the Raiders!


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