Afghanistan Journal Part 2 – Elizabeth

28 January 2018

That which I am second most afraid of is losing a limb or more, though that could be perhaps categorized under losing my beauty. But besides being disfigured, it would impact my daily life. After that I fear a traumatic brain injury because it would affect my ability to learn and to concentrate.

After that, post traumatic stress disorder — the idea of constantly remembering terrible things. However, I have greater control over this than I do over anything else — “only what the mind focuses on exists.”

All these things are worst case scenarios, but what are the best?

— Saving lives, relieving suffering for the people there, feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment for doing my job well, learning to better deal with adversity, overcoming my fears.

With regards to A, I am certain that I love him, and I have never been so certain before that I loved someone. I can talk to him all day and all night and still feel as though I cannot get enough. When I am not talking to him, I am thinking about him. He is a man of strong character and I admire him deeply for that. I wrongfully accused him of dishonesty and how did he respond? By trying to prove his honesty.

With most boyfriends I have had before, I tried to keep them at a distance. I never wanted to be around them too much, and I thought that it was me. But actually, I think it’s because they were not the right people.I never tire of being around him. It’s such a strange thing that i was sure at times that it was manipulation, but when I think about the times in which I was manipulated before, I never really cared for them, I just felt like they were forcing me to think I need them.

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